25 tips to make your marriage rock!

Zenguy and I are friends first and seemed to be married for zillion years or so. While we have mutual love and care for each other, we still need to work on our marriage and relationship often time. Here are a few ways, you can do that with your spouse. While this tips are for happier marriage, it can be applied to other relationships as well as such boyfriend or girl friend, a friend, parent, siblings etc.

1. Do not take each other for granted.
2. Always make time for each other, no matter how busy you think you  are.
3. Do not hide information from each other, no matter how bad it might be.
4. Respect your partner. Without respect, you can  not love anyone.
5. Say sorry when you are or might be wrong.
6. Be a good listener. Don't interrupt.
7. Do not compare your partner to someone famous or fictional. (Note to self: Zenguy is not Colin firth or Mr. Darcy!)
8. Work through your disagreements and fights. Don't ever physically abuse in anger.
9. Never go to bed angry. (This works, I know as Zenguy keeps talking till 3 am, until I can not keep my eyes open and ready to resolve the issue :-)
10. Marriage is a full time job, give 100% each, not 50-50%.
11. Never kiss and tell about your fights. Write in journal instead (for your eyes only)

12. Make each other laugh, do silly things. Laughter is best remedy for most issues.
13. Trust each other.
14. Be faithful, expect same.
15. Do something special for them, that you usually do not do. (Zenguy read a Jane Austen book for me)
16. Express your love everyday in small or big ways.
17. Kiss and show love in front of kids. It is okay and healthy (as long it is only kiss and not more.)
18. Show love in action and behavior, not just words.
19. When angry, do not say what you might regret later. If you did say it by chance, apologize as soon as you can.
20. Falling in love is easy, maintaining it hard, work at it. Remember why and how you fell in love first time.
21. Take time for yourself, love yourself first before you can give love.
22. Don't let your in-law affect how you feel about your spouse.
23. Don't let your friends in between your life.
24. Do not argue or fight in front of kids or other loved ones.
25. When going gets tough, hang in there. Give your relationship a chance or thousand chances as it is worth it.

Bonus tip just for fun: Secret to happy marriage:  be too tired to fight :-)

How do you work on your marriage or relationships? Do you have tips to share? I would love to hear from you.

Zengirl

Photo Source: rd.com

20 ways to be romantic for free (almost)

In the beginning of the relationship courtship, we (guys and gals alike) tend to go out of our ways to please some one we like, even spending lot of money on the dates to impress our loved ones. How do we still feel and be romantic when we are in long term relationship for awhile, and do not have much money left to impress our partner? There are a few ways to still be romantic on free or cheap, and shows you care from a heart.

1. Say "I love you" from a heart and mean it.
2. Smile, hug and kiss. Let him/her know you are happy to see them,.
3. Tell jokes when he/she is down (or not), cheer them up, be clown for them.
4. Be honest with them, do not hide things, also trust them.
5. Cook together some new recipe or old one, for each other.
6. Let him/her sleep in late, Massage back or feet for them.
7. Clean up house, car, garage and surprise them.
8. Do something special he/she likes but you may not; such as watch chick flick with her, go to a car show for him.
9. Write down top 10 reason why you love him/her.
10. Remember how you fell in love, share and recreate memories.
11. Hold hands and sit in peace, doing nothing.
12. Watch sunrise or sunset together.
13. Write special note or poem for him/her, even when you are not a good writer or a poet.
14. Send flowers or baloons just because (Some guys like that as well, as it is unexpected)
15. Say "sorry" when you are wrong/or have messed up.
16. When he/she is talking something from heart, listen without interrupting and without thinking of response to give back. Be open minded.
17. Create some ritual together and do it every year.
18. Stand up and support him/her when someone is not fair to them (even when he/she is not present)
19. Know your partner's moods and act accordingly.
20. Be supportive, Be flexible, Be understanding.

While these suggestions may not be flashy but they sure are from heart and will take an effort on your part and your partner sure will cherish it longer. While sometimes we like to and want to spend money for our beloved, we can still show, we care for them even when are low on cash but high on love.

How do you show you love someone? Do you spend money? Do you have ritual? What does your partner does that makes you feel loved? Usually best things in life are free and not things that you can buy.

Zengirl

Healing the hurting heart

Life is funny in a way, as we do get most hurt by people closet to our heart, and not by someone whom we barely know. People close to us, be it close friend, sibling, cousins, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, can hurt us emotionally, sometimes with words and sometimes worse. We are going to talk about hurt by words, a emotional hurt here.

How to heal, when you are hurting and move on, when it is hard and you do not want to? I wrote a post not too long ago about being Have you gotten hurt , it was and is very hard for me to deal with.

We can not prevent of getting hurt by other person, as it would be impossible unless we lived alone in woods. But we can steps to minimize the pain and move forward. How so? Let's explore.

1. Write down in journal or write a letter to them (Do not mail it, or give it to them, just write it for your eyes only) Write everything down you feel. Talk your feelings to someone else who will understand and not judge you. If you can not find/trust anyone to listen, that is okay, you can talk to a stuffed toy or picture of your friend and let it know how you are hurt and how it is making you feel in details.

2. Once your initial anger/frustration is out, you can try talking to a person who hurt you in person. Make sure, timing is good for both of you and there are no other distractions. When you talk, keep flow and mind open. Do not accuse or attack person but talk about situation in focus. Once you talk, listen to other person's explanations. It simply could be that person, never realized that he/she was hurting you.

3. Once you talked your feelings out, see how genuine other person's feelings are. If they are truly in dark or truly sorry, you can forgive and be friends with them slowly.

4. Sometimes, most of us are not so lucky, and other person may not feel they have done anything wrong and they accuse you instead. Try to remain calm but firm in your beliefs. Sometimes, you may have to walk out on that relationship for short term or permanently, if you think it will not work out.

When relationship ends, it hurts a lot, specially, if you have invested so much of your time and efforts and your kids and their kids life have intermingled. Make a choice and stick to it, as it is not easy to do. Remember, your pride and dignity is important too, once you let someone walk all over you, they may do it again. Truly forgive them but you can choose not remain friends.

5. Forgive yourself for your feelings, it is okay to cry (yes, for guys too) but do not blame your self ,if relationship does not survive. One can not clap with one hand, you will need both parties willing to work out situation.

6. Friendships and relationship with people are complex as human emotions are complex. All of us want to be liked but sometimes, we can not please everyone. Do what you feel right for you and follow your gut feelings. Do not stop making new friends because old one hurt you. Sometimes taking a risk will benefit with new friendship that will be better suited for you.

No matter what happens, try to be open minded and calm and try to resolve situation first. If you have hurt someone by mistake, tell your apology from heart, if you think you were not wrong, explain your situation and tell them you never meant to hurt them. All of us like to keep relationship intact but when it is not possible, move on without feeling guilty or blaming yourself.

Life teaches us new things and sometimes we became a better person because of it.

Do you have a story to share? Good or not so good ending? How would you handle your hurt emotions?

Zengirl

Have you gotten hurt?

I am out of balance, out of harmony right now and it is not good feeling at all. I have failed.

It has been a long road for me, to let go and forgive certain aspects in my life. A while ago, I was able to forgive, a group of close friends that hurt me emotionally, while I was pregnant with P, my 5 month old. It was not easy but I felt lot better inside, when I finally did forgave them. Or I thought, I did.

Now months later, an email from one of them have opened the old wound again. I did not think, it would hurt since I believed, I have moved on from that petty issue. It sure hurts. Now I wonder, did I really forgave the first time? If I truly did, shouldn't I be more calm and cool? I am not sure of answers yet.

While, I am working on finding an answers and my balance again, I thought of leaving you all with a few quotes by a few wise people, on the subject to ponder over.

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.”
Joan Lunden

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
Lewis B. Smedes

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.”
Seneca

“The folks you help won't remember it and the folks you hurt won't ever forget it.”
Bill Clayton

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.”
Dalai Lama

“If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances”
Julia Soul

“When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed.”
Jane Fonda

“Pain in the present is experienced as hurt, pain in the past is remembered as anger.”
Gaelic Proverb

Did you ever wonder why the one closest you, can hurt you the most? Have you been hurt by friend, lor oved ones? How do you pick yourself up again? What suggestions would you give?

Zengirl