5 ways of overcoming your fear

My mom and my grandfather both are published authors and poets. I too write short stories, novels and poems when I am at my creative best. Although none of my fictional work has been published, and that is because of my own fear of rejection, a incident that happened to me in past.

When I was in high school, I wrote a short fictional novel on subject was close to my heart and worked hard on it to send it off to one of New York's publishing house, who were specially looking for teen's point of view stories. I waited patiently for any reply and none came. I finally took a courage to write them and ask what happened to my entry? I never got my copy back but I got short answer saying that my story style was not they were looking for that time and I should try again future.

Now, I am not saying I was great or even good writer as a high school student and nor I claim to be now. But, I know I enjoy writing my thoughts and I have vivid imagination. That rejection was so tough on me, as I had worked hard on it and it was my favorite piece of writing. I took it personally and took it hard. I still write but for my eyes only. It took me long time to share with Zenguy and few close friends what I wrote. It has been very slow change.

Thing to remember that even Jane Austen's first version of Pride and Prejudice called "First impressions" was rejected by a publisher. If she would stopped trying and writing, world would have missed some of the best and now popular story. Then again, I am no Jane!

While, I may not still be ready to publish my novel anytime soon as I am not ready for another heart break and rejection. Since then, I have written and published white papers on technical subjects and have published a few magazine articles all non-fiction, mostly at and during my corporate gig and now I am writing here on my heart and mind blog for public's eyes, on subject that is close my heart and to help my readers. My readers comments are the best yardstick for me, I can measure and improve my work!

Do you have any fears that is stopping you from living your life or living your dream? While many of us have many types of fears but if we follow a few simple steps, we can learn to conquer the fear that is stopping us to live the best life that we can live, and we got only one.

Why we need to do the hard thing? Because...

1. Fear limits our opportunity, our living.
2. Fear creates other fears.
3. We do opposite things than we want because of fear
4. We lose freedom 
5. It is not real, but affects the real person

In most cases we fear things that are usually unknown to us, in my case, it was fear of known thing, repeating itself, a traumatic past experience. While we may have a fear of public speaking, losing loved ones, getting rejected or being laughed at, fear of being broke or not providing for kids and some fears actually motivates to do better, change our life style to improve our lives. Some fears may keep us alive from danger and it is good thing. But, fears that holds from being our best can not be good and we must change our brain thinking to slowly get over our fears that is/are holding us back by following a few simple steps.

1. First thing to do is imagine a good future, be it approval of publisher, acceptance by loved one, keeping your job, whatever your fear might be, close your eye and imagine (really imagine) yourself in happier future.
   
2. Another opposite approach is to practice crazy and silly asking game with some friend with only possible answer of "no". When you know in your heart that it is only a practice, it becomes fun exercise. If you liked this idea, can I ask you to come and fold my laundry please? :-)
3. Get more knowledge about the subject that you are afraid of, sometimes knowing more is enough to get rid of the fear. For example, if you are afraid of dogs, knowing more about dogs and being close to friendly one helps you stay calm near a dog.
4. Accept the inevitable. There are some things out of our hands and we have no control over it. For example, I am afraid of losing my loved ones, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. However, if I spend my happy moments with them and tell them I love them, will bring sweet memories of both of us, no matter who goes first. 
5. Change your fear to a motivation, challenge and help others with their fear, either by sharing and working on it with someone else helps. Make it about others, for example, I know of a mom who lost her teenage daughter to a drunk drivers, is spending time educating other teens about safe driving. Her loss of daughter, fear has became a inspirational cause for her and others.

Do you have fear that is stopping you from your dream, the best you can be? I have many still and I am working on one at the small steps, would you like to join me? Do you have any other tips or suggestions that may help others? I would love to hear from you.

Now go and conquer your fears or else ..:-) I might do another post for you!!

Zengirl

New year Resolutions

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Every year, most of us make new year resolutions, only to lose it in shuffle by February rolls around. Does it happen to you? What are usual new year resolutions? We all tend to have similar resolutions year after year.

History of New year resolutions:

According to mlive article here , is short history information on New year's resolutions.

The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, looking at the past and future, Janus became the ancient symbol for resolution. Actually, month of January is also named after Janus, the mythical king.

January 1 was always start of a new year and it only became the beginning of the New Year in 46 B.C., when Julius Caesar developed a calendar that would more accurately reflect the seasons of privious years.

It is interesting to note that not every culture or countries celebrates new year around this time but everyone celebrate January 1st as a start of calender year celebration .

Interesting tidbit huh? Also, According to Wikipedia, some of the popular new year's resolutions are;

• Lose Weight
• Get out of Debt
• Get Organized
• Save Money
• Improve Grades
• Get a Better Job
• Get Fit
• Eat Right
• Get a Better Education
• Drink less Alcohol
• Quit Smoking
• Reduce Stress
• Take a Trip
• Volunteer to Help Others
• Be Less Grumpy
• Be more independent
• Learn something new

Success rates of these resolutions are low 12% of people, which is quite surprising that I fall in 88% of population, by late January. This year, I am making only resolution that I know it will be successful. How so? I have decided to not to have any resolutions this year at all. I have goals instead, such as do less stuff and enjoy more life. I think goals are easier than resolutions, only time will tell it will be a success or not.

Do you have new year's resolutions? How successful you are keeping those? What strategies works for you?

Zengirl

Image source: Wikipedia

11 reasons we hoard on things

Why it is hard to let go of stuff and why it is easier to hoard things in our life. To simplify our life and be more free, we need to keep only items we need, and use often.

When we start decluttering, it is overwhelming to go through it all. There are many reasons we hold on to stuff such as;

1. It holds past, precious memory of your childhood, your first time living alone, or first love, first trip, or all firsts you did in your life. It is hard to let go of those memories.

2. We have spend too much money on it.

3. We may need it someday syndrome keeps us getting rid of stuff.

4. If we have kids, it is little hard to simplify. (Not impossible, just hard)

5. We do not know where to begin.

6. We think our current system works, why fix it? It is part of your comfort zone.

7. It takes too much effort and time to clean it all.

8. It will be clutter again, why bother?

9. It might be valuable in 10 years, we can sell it then at better price. We are not hoarder, we are collector.

10. We'll just move in to a bigger place, or buy more storage system to place it all.

11. We as a species always hoarded things to survive since early days , so what we are doing is natural process. Blame early ancestor (early human) for our hoarding habits.

My biggest problem is kids ever changing stuff and "I may need it someday" syndrome and I have to work hard to overcome it. What are your reasons for holding on to your stuff? How do you overcome those reasons?

Zengirl