She was very tired, and had not slept well since pregnancy and now with infant who was teething, and busy preschooler, 8 hours sleep was far fetched dream, if she ever found any time to dream that is. Her back was hurting, eyes were red from lack of sleep.She had not been out in days and not seen much social life lately, other than doctor and hospital visits. She felt unattractive, under appreciated by her 24-7 job that only paid in smiles and hugs.
All she wanted to do was sit in passenger side seat without kids attached to her, while her husband drove with family to get much needed groceries. She hoped that her 4 year old will keep busy with crayons and 5 month would fall asleep, and she can rest, have an adult conversation with her husband or just look outside or catch a small snooze.Instead of her hopes of infant falling asleep, he started to scream in car seat in middle of the drive to store.
She closed her eyes, wishing it to be calm next minute. When 20 seconds passed, which seemed like an eternity, with screaming infant, she sighed and reluctantly decided to go back in seat, sitting in middle seat on ground between her infant and preschooler, not the best comfortable position to entertain a child in driving car. Yet she knew she must.
She tried to calm her infant with various toys and silly faces song routine. That was a scene to be seen :-) However, her efforts met with persistent cries as infant wanted to be lifted in mommy's arms. It was tough, and not possible without stopping the car, maybe feed him and then start to drive again. However, she thought, that would delay things further, with shopping, going home and cooking and feeding kids, cleaning, doing dishes and much more time wastage than she had energy for.
But stop they must, so they did in nearby small parking lot. She lifted her infant in backseat and started to feed him, but infant was already simulated and crying and fussing continued which seemed like forever. Then it happened, something snapped inside her and she broke down, her mind was clouded with doubts and she started crying. She thought, why other infants seemed so content and sleeping through the night and do not cry, what is wrong with her infant? Why is he like that? It must be because way she parents her child. Tiredness has caused her to think more negative on situation, which she knew she might not have, if she was rested. As she fed her infant crying her tears over flowing over her cheeks to her infant cheeks.
She told her husband, she can not do this longer as she was not good mother, wife or even friend, she seemed to be failing at many things. Her husband tried to say something intelligent but it just made her more sad and depressed. Everyone sat in car in silenced and tense. Infant now satisfied with mommy, fell asleep in her arms. she felt more worse seeing his dried tears on his cheeks despite now him sleeping in peace.
Till her 4 years old spoke, "mommy don't cry, Do you know, you are bestest mommy in whole tide world. Baby is small and he can not talk so he cries when he wants something. Don't cry mommy. When he will be old like me, he will not cry, he will talk and be good boy like me. It will get better, you see." (Not type-error, actual words)
Listening this her sadness started to go away, and only tears were flowing now was tear of happiness, as she was so proud of her small preschooler, who was wise beyond his age. She hugged him and told "you are right, things will get better with time and your brother may turned out to be good kid just like you. Mommy loves you".
After awhile, as they drove to grocery store in peace, with infant sleeping safely in car seat, she knew, she may get bad moments and days in future, but she will get through those moments with loving kid, family around her, slowly and one step at the time.