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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Blogging Philosphy: for Pro or newbie - Real heroes are readers

 I talked about reconnecting with our neighbors, and other people we meet everyday during, filling gas, standing in grocery lines, at post office, and so on, To see original post click here . Blogging  is also like online community that we meet on world wide web, how do we connect with them all, get to know them?

Many people blog for different reasons, for some it is connecting with far away relatives for family update, for others it is making money, or writing about subject close to their heart, place for rant, rave and other life's philosophy, some people use it as an online journal to some people write about things they want to change in their life such as debt reduction, getting fit and so on.

Whatever, your reason might be, none of us could survive without people's support, real people behind the screen. These people could be in the same city or be in different country, be it readers or blogger. Wherever your readers are, they are "REAL" people, how to be sensitive towards them?

For "Pro Bloggers": Bloggers who are very successful and blogging is their full time job.

No matter how expert or successful they may be, all of us have feelings, fears and emotions. They may not have time or chance to respond to all people who wants something from them. It is not personal, they are just bogged down and it is hard to differentiate between people who wants some piece of action/help from them to people who are true fan. Leave them comments (if they allow it), send them email or find other ways to communicate. Do not stalk, let it go, if you do not hear from them. They are very busy and can use some down time for hundreds of fan trying to get hold of them. You can still learn a lot from their writing, their tweet messages and their interview on other popular blogs.

Do not be envious, when their post gets 100's of comments such as , great post, I agree with you's, while you wrote similar post a weeks ago, which was excellent and similar by the way, got merely a few comments. The problem is not your post or your writing, problem is no one knows who you are and where you are,yet. Besides, everyone wants to hang out with popular and successful people, and while some commenter might be posting comment just to advertise others about their new blog. (I am guilty of this myself)

If you are "Pro Blogger" overwhelmed by thousands of fans, try to be grateful and be kind to those upcoming bloggers. As a expert on your field, you can educate and help wonderful causes and I see many great bloggers doing that, giving back to community. I know of a few successful bloggers mentioning new upcoming blogs on thier blog, helping newbie bloggers, I have found many gem blogs that way that I read now.

Remember good old days when you really could reply to each comments and knew your readers.  I know of some bloggers still try to response to each comments personally even when comments are in range of 80s or more. That is a dedication and weather they know it or not, I think people who read their blog sure appreciate it.

For small or Newbie bloggers:

Try not to be jealous of someone's success, while it does not seem fair, when you are working hard on your blog, not making any money or getting many comments, it is hard to measure your worth. Remember that very popular blogs that you are so envious of, were once small and newbie blogs themselves. While some may have been lucky to find success sooner than others, most of them have worked hard just like you. Key is consistency and do not give up blogging, even when there is no money, no comments; keep doing your work.  Lord Krishna (Hinduism) has said  "Keep doing your work without expecting any rewards, it will come in due course". Follow that great wisdom and you will be lot happier while climbing the success ladder no matter where it takes you.

Blogging now is lot easier compared to a few years ago, when a bloggers had to know html or other type coding to actually do blogging, so I have been told. We new bloggers have it lot easier so let's count our blessing. There are social media and other tools available for those technical savvy to help achieve success. If you are in this for get rich quick reasons, I am sure failures comes easy as there are not short cuts for making money or be successful.

I know of a few blogs that gotten so much publicity due to guest postings, twitter messages and Facebook friends connections, but that person may have worked very hard for it, you may never know. So relax, let go of any envy you may have and do blogging for yourself, for your true fans and readers and leave rest to destiny. Without hard work nothing is gained.

For commenter without blogs:

My hats off you all, as you comment for article and yourself and without ulterior motive. Some of you visit or subscribe to blogs, making them a successful. Without commenters and readers, we will not be anywhere. Thank you from bottom of my heart for taking time to comment. For many bloggers like myself is true measure of writing and self worth.

So be kind and comment often, not only on this blog but other new one, successful ones, we all need readers feedback. Sometimes simple "Thank you" is enough, other time "constrictive" criticism is welcomed, as long it is not in form of personal attack, remember we are all real people with real feelings right, just like you.

My way of connecting

I reply to my each comments and emails and I usually check out commenter's blog (if he/she has one) and comment there too.I choose not be part of any social media right now, as I do not think I can do justice to it fully with my kids, family and other responsibility. In future, if it is possible, will see. I see this is my minimalist way of online life for now.

I go to blogs that interest me, despite they are in same subject blog as me or not, I have many interests and it goes into my reading others and writing here. I comment on posts usually like and love to share my point of view. I try often post comments on new blogs more as I know some people have been kind to me when I was a brand new blogger (I still feel newbie) and I am passing the favor I got.

Web  is big place and it has a place for all of us, pro blogs, medium size blogs, small blogs, niche blogs,mishmash blogs, and parenting blogs and many more. Blog about something you are passionate about, which has value to help others at the same time, it will be sustainable and has a chance of success.

We are all real people with real emotions and we have an opportunity to connect online to friends whom in real life we could have made.  Let's connect by being our true self online and be kind to each other online too.


Monday, March 8, 2010

5 ways of overcoming your fear

My mom and my grandfather both are published authors and poets. I too write short stories, novels and poems when I am at my creative best. Although none of my fictional work has been published, and that is because of my own fear of rejection, a incident that happened to me in past.

When I was in high school, I wrote a short fictional novel on subject was close to my heart and worked hard on it to send it off to one of New York's publishing house, who were specially looking for teen's point of view stories. I waited patiently for any reply and none came. I finally took a courage to write them and ask what happened to my entry? I never got my copy back but I got short answer saying that my story style was not they were looking for that time and I should try again future.

Now, I am not saying I was great or even good writer as a high school student and nor I claim to be now. But, I know I enjoy writing my thoughts and I have vivid imagination. That rejection was so tough on me, as I had worked hard on it and it was my favorite piece of writing. I took it personally and took it hard. I still write but for my eyes only. It took me long time to share with Zenguy and few close friends what I wrote. It has been very slow change.

Thing to remember that even Jane Austen's first version of Pride and Prejudice called "First impressions" was rejected by a publisher. If she would stopped trying and writing, world would have missed some of the best and now popular story. Then again, I am no Jane!

While, I may not still be ready to publish my novel anytime soon as I am not ready for another heart break and rejection. Since then, I have written and published white papers on technical subjects and have published a few magazine articles all non-fiction, mostly at and during my corporate gig and now I am writing here on my heart and mind blog for public's eyes, on subject that is close my heart and to help my readers. My readers comments are the best yardstick for me, I can measure and improve my work!

Do you have any fears that is stopping you from living your life or living your dream? While many of us have many types of fears but if we follow a few simple steps, we can learn to conquer the fear that is stopping us to live the best life that we can live, and we got only one.

Why we need to do the hard thing? Because...
  1. Fear limits our opportunity, our living.
  2. Fear creates other fears.
  3. We do opposite things than we want because of fear
  4. We lose freedom 
  5. It is not real, but affects the real person
In most cases we fear things that are usually unknown to us, in my case, it was fear of known thing, repeating itself, a traumatic past experience. While we may have a fear of public speaking, losing loved ones, getting rejected or being laughed at, fear of being broke or not providing for kids and some fears actually motivates to do better, change our life style to improve our lives. Some fears may keep us alive from danger and it is good thing. But, fears that holds from being our best can not be good and we must change our brain thinking to slowly get over our fears that is/are holding us back by following a few simple steps.
  1. First thing to do is imagine a good future, be it approval of publisher, acceptance by loved one, keeping your job, whatever your fear might be, close your eye and imagine (really imagine) yourself in happier future.
  2. Another opposite approach is to practice crazy and silly asking game with some friend with only possible answer of "no". When you know in your heart that it is only a practice, it becomes fun exercise. If you liked this idea, can I ask you to come and fold my laundry please? :-)
  3. Get more knowledge about the subject that you are afraid of, sometimes knowing more is enough to get rid of the fear. For example, if you are afraid of dogs, knowing more about dogs and being close to friendly one helps you stay calm near a dog.
  4. Accept the inevitable. There are some things out of our hands and we have no control over it. For example, I am afraid of losing my loved ones, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. However, if I spend my happy moments with them and tell them I love them, will bring sweet memories of both of us, no matter who goes first. 
  5. Change your fear to a motivation, challenge and help others with their fear, either by sharing and working on it with someone else helps. Make it about others, for example, I know of a mom who lost her teenage daughter to a drunk drivers, is spending time educating other teens about safe driving. Her loss of daughter, fear has became a inspirational cause for her and others.
Do you have fear that is stopping you from your dream, the best you can be? I have many still and I am working on one at the small steps, would you like to join me? Do you have any other tips or suggestions that may help others? I would love to hear from you.

Now go and conquer your fears or else ..:-) I might do another post for you!!


Thursday, March 4, 2010

25 tips to make your marriage rock!

Zenguy and I are friends first and seemed to be married for zillion years or so. While we have mutual love and care for each other, we still need to work on our marriage and relationship often time. Here are a few ways, you can do that with your spouse. While this tips are for happier marriage, it can be applied to other relationships as well as such boyfriend or girl friend, a friend, parent, siblings etc.

1. Do not take each other for granted.
2. Always make time for each other, no matter how busy you think you  are.
3. Do not hide information from each other, no matter how bad it might be.
4. Respect your partner. Without respect, you can  not love anyone.
5. Say sorry when you are or might be wrong.
6. Be a good listener. Don't interrupt.
7. Do not compare your partner to someone famous or fictional. (Note to self: Zenguy is not Colin firth or Mr. Darcy!)
8. Work through your disagreements and fights. Don't ever physically abuse in anger.
9. Never go to bed angry. (This works, I know as Zenguy keeps talking till 3 am, until I can not keep my eyes open and ready to resolve the issue :-)
10. Marriage is a full time job, give 100% each, not 50-50%.
11. Never kiss and tell about your fights. Write in journal instead (for your eyes only)
12. Make each other laugh, do silly things. Laughter is best remedy for most issues.
13. Trust each other.
14. Be faithful, expect same.
15. Do something special for them, that you usually do not do. (Zenguy read a Jane Austen book for me)
16. Express your love everyday in small or big ways.
17. Kiss and show love in front of kids. It is okay and healthy (as long it is only kiss and not more.)
18. Show love in action and behavior, not just words.
19. When angry, do not say what you might regret later. If you did say it by chance, apologize as soon as you can.
20. Falling in love is easy, maintaining it hard, work at it. Remember why and how you fell in love first time.
21. Take time for yourself, love yourself first before you can give love.
22. Don't let your in-law affect how you feel about your spouse.
23. Don't let your friends in between your life.
24. Do not argue or fight in front of kids or other loved ones.
25. When going gets tough, hang in there. Give your relationship a chance or thousand chances as it is worth it.

Bonus tip just for fun: Secret to happy marriage:  be too tired to fight :-)

How do you work on your marriage or relationships? Do you have tips to share? I would love to hear from you.


Photo Source: rd.com

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Quotes: Being happy

Here are a few of many wonderful quotes on being happy by some wise and famous people. Enjoy and be happy today!

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.  ~Jacques PrĂ©vert

If you want to be happy, be.  ~Leo Tolstoy

Happiness is never stopping to think if you are.  ~Palmer Sondreal

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.  ~Mark Twain

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.  ~Edith Wharton

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.  ~Cynthia Nelms

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.  ~Norm Papernick

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys.  If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.  ~Fyodor Dostoevsky

What a wonderful life I've had!  I only wish I'd realized it sooner.  ~Colette

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.  ~James Openheim

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.  ~John Barrymore

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness.  Poverty and wealth have both failed.  ~Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.  ~Margaret Young

Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants, and to serve them one's self?  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are seldom happy with what we now have, but would go to pieces if we lost any part of it.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

The happy have whole days,
and those they choose.
The unhappy have but hours,
and those they lose.
~Colley Cibber

You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.  ~Author Unknown

What makes you happy? Sometimes simplest things in life makes me happiest.
1. When little P and R are not sick.
2. When clothes are folded and sink is empty of dirty dishes.
3. Hot chai-tea made by Zenguy
4. Seeing smiles on my kids face
5. Watching My favorite movie or reading a book (yet again)

How about you?